Question to Other Moms Who Have or Have Had Small Children
How easy is it to be an effective parent when you're exhausted or sick?
I'm just curious to get other people's opinion on this because I have a husband who apparently thinks that being utterly exhausted or sick and trying to take care of a small child is the same as being in the same situation and going to work, and I heartily disagree. I mean, is there anyone else out there who feels that, when you're the main caregiver of a small child, even if you're going to bed at 10 or 11 and getting up at 7 or so, if you're getting up in the night to take care of a little one or simply to check on him/her, you're really only effectively getting around five to six hours of real sleep, if that. And getting less sleep than that on a regular basis would not be a good thing because then you're almost too tired to take care of what your little one needs and deserves from you, and, unlike work, you can't just set your child aside for a little while and say,"I'm not dealing with you right now." Someone would call child protective services on you, I would think. There are no personal days off when you're a full- or near full-time parent with no one to help during the day. The same is true when you're sick and need extra rest.
Am I far wrong on this? Please feel free to pass this question on to other moms and get back to me with their responses.
I'm just curious to get other people's opinion on this because I have a husband who apparently thinks that being utterly exhausted or sick and trying to take care of a small child is the same as being in the same situation and going to work, and I heartily disagree. I mean, is there anyone else out there who feels that, when you're the main caregiver of a small child, even if you're going to bed at 10 or 11 and getting up at 7 or so, if you're getting up in the night to take care of a little one or simply to check on him/her, you're really only effectively getting around five to six hours of real sleep, if that. And getting less sleep than that on a regular basis would not be a good thing because then you're almost too tired to take care of what your little one needs and deserves from you, and, unlike work, you can't just set your child aside for a little while and say,"I'm not dealing with you right now." Someone would call child protective services on you, I would think. There are no personal days off when you're a full- or near full-time parent with no one to help during the day. The same is true when you're sick and need extra rest.
Am I far wrong on this? Please feel free to pass this question on to other moms and get back to me with their responses.
posted by Cathy at 9:06 PM
7 Comments:
Of COURSE it's different. For one, your job is a lot more important than his. Any mom knows this! But if you need to, you can always take a break by putting your sweet boy in his crib, even if he's not happy about it. You know he's safe there. I've had to do it myself at least once this past month. I'm not sure how much Jonah's getting into, but hopefully you don't need to watch him like a hawk. Jay's into lots, but he's old enough to start understanding most of the common dangers, so it's usually ok to get a little resting in while he's playing, especially if he's got something absorbing going on, like a VT video. You need to have at least one place on each story you can park him for a while if necessary, especially when you're not well. The exersaucer, for example, could buy you some time. In any case, you definitely need to take care of yourself!! I'd call you, but it's approaching 10, and it sounds like you NEED your sleep. Give me a call anytime, sweetie!
Thanks, Len! I knew you'd understand! :)
I must agree with you on this. "Taking a sick day" is non-existent when you are taking care of children (whether for all-day-everyday or otherwise!). I'm not sure I would go as far as Lenise to say that "...your job is more important than his (your husband's?)..", but it's definitely important to keep your child safe and make sure he is well-taken care of. And if that means strapping him into his highchair or putting him in front of a video while you are in the throes of yuckdom, then so be it! You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of him.
I'll go out on a limb and suggest that most people's jobs pall in importance to sustaining life in another person. (Very few jobs require this, although I'm sure policy wonks and business types would self-importantly suggest that they are responsible for life/quality of life for the many, which is often true, in the negative sense, and very often false in the positive sense.) Which is, in fact, what is at stake when taking care of a child--I'm not just talking about feeding and so on. I have a 7 minth old and in the course of a typical twenty minutes, she scales the couch, falls, bumps her head, cries, eats a page from a book, throws up, hits herself in the face with a toy while I am cleaning up the vomit, cries, poops on her clothes, attempts to leap headfirst off of the bed on which she is being changed, and takes another tumble in her crib while I am putting her clothes in Oxi-Clean. And that's with me on vigilant duty. If your husband has sole duty in taking care of a co-worker intent on destroying him- or herself and everything in the surrounding environment, then he can draw comparisons. Please. Before most of us had babies, we went to work sick or tired, and I can say for my part, there's no comparison.
S.
S., point well made!
LOL. Yes, that's pretty much what I was trying to say. I suppose ER doctors may have a comparable claim to job importance. I love the policy wonk comment sentence!!
That should read "policy wonk sentence". My bad =]
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