Late Night (Early Morning?) Venting

Maybe it's a good thing that my husband doesn't often check my blog because now it gives me a chance to let off a little steam.

Over a year ago, Josh's doctor recommended that he begin a self-injectable medication called Embrel to help slow the progression of his spondylitis and to help with the constant pain and stiffness that he endures. At first, it took him a while to get used to injecting himself, which is understandable because I can only imagine that it's hard to have to do that. After a while, though, he seemed to get into a rhythm, and he was doing very well in making sure he took his two doses each week. However, sometime over the summer and into the fall, his regularity slackened, hampered by a tooth infection he developed mid-fall (the medication cannot be taken if there is any infection in the body). However, that was several months ago. Since then, he has been only very infrequently taking the injections andwill go several weeks between. I keep telling him and asking him if he's been doing his injections, and the answer more often than not is "no". He usually does the injections at night, and over the last few months when I've felt I've had to nag him about it, something always happens to keep him from taking the medication; he falls asleep downstairs before he can do it, he's working late and doesn't get around to it, he forgets, or a whole host of other excuses. It is getting very frustrating for me because we both know that the infrequency with which he is taking the Embrel isn't doing him any good and has no effect - the medication only has an effect in a cumulative form when you take it regularly. I hate being a nag, and I hate having to keep reminding his to take the medication to no avail.

In addition, Josh is also supposed to be going to physical therapy now, by order of his doctor, in order to try improving his mobility. The order came from the doctor over a month ago, and he has yet to begin going. Again, I'm reminding him almost every day to call a physical therpist and get started, but, again, he keeps either forgetting or simply won't do it.

I am so frustrated right now that I can't even sleep. I feel the need to pray for something, but I don't even know what to pray for - more patience, more of a willingness from Josh to do what he needs to do in order to stave off the progression of his spondylitis, both, or something else entirely? I just don't know anymore. All I really know is that it is hard living in the knowledge that the one you love is constantly in some form of pain and won't do what he needs to to help himself. I'd do all this stuff for him if I could, but I can't. I'd take the pain away if I could, but I can't. I pray for a miracle, that this disease will be taken from him, but in the meantime I really need him to take care of himself because I want him to be as healthy as possible for our son who will be here in only a few months.